Got stuck between two worlds…

Today is the first day, when I had some time to walk around and to meditate on life, reality I am in and to listen to my heart.

I am back to Moldova exactly  for 35 days. Sounds strange. The time goes by so fast. Unbelievable.  So many things already happened. I realised few days ago that I didn’t have time for transition at all. Was too busy to run, run, run. Wonder why. At first, it was exciting to keep myself busy. But now I feel like I lose something by being busy, busy, busy.

Still, since I arrived back, to Moldova, I manage to do so many things: celebrated my birthday, went through the awful feeling of loneliness, fall inlove, visited my parents in Ukraine, managed to meet a bunch of NGOs, Government staff and lots of cool young people from my country. Managed to discuss the opportunities for new projects, even to apply to one, to discuss the basics of a chain of new organizations, WIN Moldova (we launched it in Seattle in July this year), extended to Germany and to Moldova…. I also moved to my appartment (exactly looking the way I wished), organized a camp for village kids, I am going to on Monday and got sick. Yes, I also fasted for 9 days for the first time in my life…

Where am I running to? I don’t know. But I am tired. This reminds me of the sequence of the Forrest Gump movie: after 3 years of running throughout US, he just stopped by saying “I am tired”. Me too.

So, I decided to take some time for myself. And… I find it so difficult. And also so full of wisdom, I need to hear. It is hard not to be active. But it is definitely good for me to slow down. At least for few days. I took a walk around the area, I live now. Never been in this part of our capital before.  So, a short walk around brought some peace to my heart and mind and faced me with special discoveries. For example, I don’t know why, but the crickets are making much louder noise here, comparing to Seattle… if there are any there… The sky is much higher and the clouds even after the sunset, still have lots of colors to admire. You still can see the lights of the sun on some clouds. Never seen something like this in Seattle…

Oh, Seattle… I still ask myself why did I get there. What was the God’s intention in His providence for me to get there. Well, I can write lots of reports and lessons and stories and make lots of plans and describe all the advantages of being a Humphrey Fellowship Alumni, which I experience fully. Still, I wonder what are the things, lessons, I have to take for my life… And the answer to this question is not simple. It required tranquility to hear my heart’s response to all intense experience, I had. But I want to hear it. I want to digest well my experience and to get equipped for the future, my heart will face.

The guy, I like to listen to, was saying on one of his sermons “God wants each year of your life to be special”. Well, it was easy to believe that, while I was in Seattle. I have to admit that I have a fear that Seattle would be a history of my life, I will always want to go back… But I don’t want it this way. I want my new year, which started on August, 13, to be the best year in my life. Hard to believe it is possible in Moldova. But in the same time, faith is not the matter of what I face, of what I see. It is a matter of what I  believe. Will I be strong enough to believe, and more than that, to think, to act based on what I believe? At least this is my prayer: God, help me hear what You want to tell me, show me the way You want me to follow, bless me the way, You know to do it, despite whatever life brings. I need tranquility to hear Him. Yes, I need to slow down to be able to move one and to have same energy for my future in Moldova. Don’t want to continue to be stuck between two worlds, nowhere… Wonder, what colors life will bring, when I will get out of this still time. Will see…

Notite pe foite-2: cind sentimentul de valoare personala e lezat…

Adu-ţi aminte de următoarea ilustraţie:

Bondarul si aerodinamica

In urma cu mai multi ani, chiar pina in 2000 aproximativ, se spunea că savantii in aerodinamica au calculat ca este imposibil ca un bondar sa zboare. Mai multi specialisti in domeniu nu reuseau sa explice zborul unui bondar. Unii chiar ziceau că potrivit tainelor aerodinamicii, bondarul nu ar trebui sa zboare, pentru că e prea mare pt aripile lui fragile si nu are deloc forma aerodinamica). Ei, cu timpul ştiinţa a evoluat şi a explicat tainele zborurilor unui bondar.

În tot timpul acesta fericitul nostru bondar nu ştia despre zbaterile savanţilor. Chiar era ignorant. Părerile savanţilor despre cît de mult se conforma el ideilor lor niciodată nu l-au împiedicat să zboare.

MORALA: să nu-ţi pese de ceea ce zic alţii, sau de ceea ce ei pun la îndoială în tine Eşti mult mai mult, şi, deci, poţi mult mai multe, chiar daca unii se înşeală, crezînd altceva !

P.S.1 Pentru cei ce înţeleg (Eu – nu prea ) ” Bondarii respecta absolut toate legile fizice . Problema este ca fara sa aiba notiuni de aerodinamica ( capitolul curgeri viscoase in regim turbulent ), reusesc sa integreze ecuatiile Navier-Stocks in timp real, cea ce nici un sistem mecanic nu a reusit pina acum sa o faca .”

P.S.2 http://www.news.cornell.ed u/releases/March00/APS_Wan g.hrs.html – descoperiri despre conformarea aerodinamicii zborului bondarului

Scriu despre faptul ca nu vreau sa scriu.

Mai nou is ocupata peste cap. Iar blogging-ul meu e in concurenta cu micile distractii virtuale cu prietenii de pe Facebook. De zece zile cred ca nu am scris. Insa nu odata a trebuit sa tin cont de prioritati si sa aleg sa scriu… chestiute oficiale pentru serviciu .

Infine, iata-ma aici din nou. Si sincer, imi dau seama ca vreau sa scriu despre faptul ca nu vreau sa scriu Unele file din viata mea, unele vibratii ale sufletului, ale inimii imi dau seama ca le vreau doar pentru mine. Is prea intime ca sa le impartasesc. E intre mine si Dumnezeu. E o lume aparte, despre care nu as vrea sa vorbesc, prefer sa o las sa fie secretul meu si al Lui. E doar intre mine si El.  Mi-a spus atitea, mai ales astazi. Si mai are de spus, stiu ca imi pregateste o surpriza – un coctail de vorbe dulci si intelepte, care imi vor face sufletul mai liber si mai implinit, chipul si sufletul – mai asemanatoare cu Cel, cu Care-mi pentrec timpul, iar cararea vietii – mai limpede si mai bogata.

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